


A Happy Ending 2

by Hardrada



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hardrada/pseuds/Hardrada
Summary: Jim and Leonard have a lot of catching up to do after meeting again on Yorktown
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	A Happy Ending 2

**Author's Note:**

> _This is an unexpected follow up to part 1, because it needs a follow up, at least in my mind. So it just tied up a few endings - angst, as ever, but happy ending, as ever. It’s very dialogue-heavy. Basically they spend a lot of time sitting around and talking._
> 
> _I’m on tumblr @hardrada if you want to come by and say hello_

**_The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space_ **

There was no speaking and no touching all the way back to Bones’ apartment. Jim was exhausted, physically and emotionally, the adrenaline out of his system now, his steps dragging. Bones was simply awestruck by the damage he saw, the absolute chaos of what had happened that day. People were out on the street, of course, shocked and blank eyed, but then they would see Jim, see the blue of the survival suit and the blaze of the gold insignia, and they would stop him, say something to him, say thank you, call blessings on him, and he would find a word for them, a smile a soft touch on the arm or the hand. And each time, it would take a little more out of him, tire him a little more so that his light dimmed.

“We’re almost there”, Bones said at one point. The first thing he had said since they left the medical centre. Jim nodded.

“I really want to touch you”, he said, his voice soft and dragging. “But there are too many people, too many cameras. It’s all too much, you know?”

“I know”. Bones let his shoulder bump Jim. “Another couple of minutes. Hold on”.

When Bones stopped outside his apartment door, Jim almost whimpered in relief but he still paused on the doorway until Bones looked at him and held out his hand. “Come on”, he said. “It’s all yours”.

Jim smiled, his eyes half closed with tiredness. One, Bones noticed, was bruised and beginning to close, and he began to reach out, but Jim shook his head and pulled away.

“Don’t”, he said. “I’m not here for the doctor to fix me. I’m not really here for the doctor”. He smiled again, still worn thin with exhaustion. “I’m just here for you”. He took a step towards Bones, uncertain now, the great captain vanished, and he was just Jim again. “This feels so weird. I’ve been looking for you, you know? Every spaceport I wondered if this could be the one”.

“You could have accessed records”, Bones said softly, taking a step forward in his turn. They were still not quite within arm’s reach.

“Could’ve”, Jim agreed. “But I didn’t want you to think - I thought if you knew what I was doing, you’d think I was stalking you. And you know, you might have made a life”.

Bones laughed then, relief and tiredness combining into a kind of hysterical giggling. “That’s exactly what I thought about you! I knew you’d docked at Yorktown but I didn’t want to find you just in case…”

“No”, Jim said, beginning to smile at the absurdity of it. “No life”.

“Just heroism, eh?”

“Wrecks your personal life”. Another step forward, and Bones felt his hands twitch. Jim held his arms out from his side, and with a growl, Bones reached out, grabbed that oh so sexy suit and dragged Jim towards him.

Their mouths met in a clash of lips and teeth and tongue, both of them suddenly desperate. Bones wrenched at the jacket of the suit, nearly throttling Jim, who pulled back with a gasp of laughter. “It’s a survival suit, Bones. It’s not designed to be ripped”.

“If I can’t work out how to get it off in the next thirty seconds, I’m going to prove it can be ripped clean in half”. Bones pulled back and waved a hand. “Off, come on”.

With an alacrity that belied his tiredness, Jim shucked out of the jacket and vest, standing bare-chested, gaze locked on Bones. “If you want the rest off, you can do that yourself. Got some catches and straps to work through, I warn you”. He put his own hands on Bones’ chest, then moving them, running them down his stomach and hooking his fingers under the bottom of the tunic he still wore. Bones offered up a quick prayer of thanks that he’d changed out of the previous bloody one just before Jim had appeared, and nodded at Jim’s questioning glance.

Jim pushed the tunic up and off, smiling at Bones’ tousled appearance as he emerged. “Oh, you’re gorgeous”, he breathed. “And I have missed you so much “.

Bones touched Jim’s face, then his hair and then with a groan, hooked his hand around Jim’s neck and pulled him in again for another desperate kiss, a kiss that had no room for gentleness, not yet. Jim fought him though, trying to pull away, but Bones didn’t want that and held him more tightly until, with a move clearly not learned in any Starfleet tutorial, Jim got himself free, panting and half-laughing, wide eyed and excited.

Unceremoniously, he dropped to his knees. “Tough knee protection”, he said. “In a survival suit”.

Bones laughed then and hauled him back onto his feet. “Not yet”, he said. “I’m gonna make you beg”.

“Big talk”. Jim was laughing, off-balance now but willing to let Bones take the lead. In fact, Bones thought that he saw the moment Jim literally surrendered to him, as if he had done with leading, at least for a while because - well, because he was with someone he trusted. Bones pulled him close, kissing him hard, pouring years of pent-up desperation into it, and Jim responded in like fashion, wrapping his leg around Bones’ thigh and nearly knocking them both over as the heavy survival boot kicked him in the back of his knee.

“Got to get these things off”. Bones pulled away again and steered Jim towards the bed, sitting him down and looking at him. Jim suddenly looked very young as he sat there, bare-chested, gazing up at Bones out of wide blue eyes. Bones put a soft hand on his cheek. “It’s going to be fine, JIm. You trust me?”

Jim nodded wordlessly, swallowing down on so much emotion, and Bones got the feeling that Jim hadn’t been able to trust too many people in his life. Not with everything. He promised himself right there and then that he would never hurt this man, never. He dropped to his knees, pushing Jim’s legs apart to settle between them and rested his hands on Jim’s chest. He could feel his heart beating, fast and strong. All that life pulsing beneath his palms. All that life in his hands. He reached up and kissed him again. So much energy buzzing through this beautiful, beautiful man. All his.

Slowly, slowly, he pressed all his weight against Jim until Jim had no choice but to let himself be pushed flat on his back, his hands roving over Bones’ back and then up into his hair, and back down again. 

“I don’t know what to do”, he gasped finally. “I want everything all at once”. He laughed, slightly hysterically. “I just want it all now”.

“We have all the time”, Bones whispered, stroking Jim’s hair back from his face. “Hush now, love, hush. We have all the time we will ever need”.

“But we don’t”, Jim struggled briefly but then stilled, his hands back in Bones’ hair. “I’ll have to go again one day. Not for a while, but I’ll be called back to Earth soon and then back into the dark”.

“And I’ll come to Earth with you”, Bones said, realising the decision had been made for him the second Jim walked through the door and into his med bay. It was the final kick to make him realise his time on Yorktown was done. “I’ll come with you to Earth, and then who knows?”

“Yeah?” Jim’s eyes blazed. “You’d do that?”

“In a fucking heartbeat”. He kissed Jim’s neck. “Now stop talking, will you? That mouth can do more than just talk”.

Jim laughed, relief evident and pushed at Bones’ shoulders. “Get off me for a second. I have to get these boots and pants off before I lose motor control”.

__

“So how is it, being the captain of the flagship?” Bones idly stroked his fingers through Jim’s hair, marvelling at its softness. The room was dark, lit only by whatever unnatural light came through the windows, and the bed was warm. Bones had never been so content.

“It’s good, most of the time”. Jim was lying still, as still as Bones had ever seen him, one arm thrown across Bones’ chest, the other tucked under his head, a leg across Bones’ thigh. “My crew are absolutely the best, they’re the closest I have to a family. You’ll like them, except you’ll fight with my First Officer, Spock. He’ll just raise the eyebrow of doom at you and you’ll reach for his throat”.

“Vulcan? I’ve never met a Vulcan I could get along with”.

“That’s because you’re so emotional”.

“I’m not emotional”, Bones said, tugging Jim’s hair. “I’m permanently angry”.

Jim kissed Bones’ temple. “Not permanently”, he said softly.

“No”, Bones agreed with every show of reluctance. “Maybe not permanently”.

They lay in silence for a minute or two, Bones’ fingers working constantly through Jim’s hair, Jim pressing as close as he could, neither of them able to break the contact.

“Scared?” Jim finally said, his breath soft against Bones’ neck.

Bones took a breath to deny it immediately, but then he paused. “Yeah”, he breathed finally. “Little bit”.

“Me too”, Jim admitted. “This is a big and scary thing, you know? But it feels right, Bones, it feels so damn right”. He tightened his grip. “Not letting you go again”.

“Not going anywhere”. He tugged on Jim’s hair and Jim smiled softly.

“So, how many hearts have you broken since that night?” He kissed Bones’ temple again. “Go on, tell me. You won’t break my heart; mine’s made of sturdy stuff”.

“And that, right there, my friend, is bullshit”, said Bones, sidestepping the question. “You have the softest heart in the history of hearts. I’ve seen you with puppies, remember?”

“Can we have a puppy?” Jim smirked. “Or several?”

“Not on a Starship”.

And there it was. The huge barrier in their plans. They lay in silence for what felt to both of them like a long time.

“Way to kill a conversation”, Jim said mildly. 

“Well, it’s not going to go away. Yeah, we go back to Earth and I get a position in the medical centre at headquarters. Won’t be a problem. But you? You’ll be around for a while, like a year maybe, while they rebuild the _Enterprise_ , and then you’ll be gone again on another five year mission. I’m not going to stay at home wringing my hands. I’m not going to let you leave me for another five years. That’s just not happening”. Bones stopped talking, aware that he was sounding more and more angry. He wasn’t angry. Just frustrated.

Jim sighed. “I know”, he said. “I know it’s a huge problem. I’m not ignoring it, I swear to you, but can we kind of - er - forget it for a little while at least? I’ll be Earthside for a year, at least. Maybe we’ll discover that we hate each other and you’ll be glad to see the back of me…” He smiled as Bones snorted. “Right response there, my Bones. But maybe we’ll be able to work something out. Would you come into the dark with me?”

“No”. Bones’ answer was immediate. “I really hate the stars, Jim”.

“Could put you in a room with no windows”.

“Already tried that”. He paused. “We’re both driven by our careers, that’s where our problem lies”. He sighed. “Okay, kid, we’ll leave it for a while at least, but that doesn’t mean it’ll go away”.

“I know”. Jim moved his head to rest against Bones’ shoulder. “But let’s just enjoy this, for as long as we can”.

“Okay. Not happy about that, but too happy to argue”. Bones pulled away so that Jim’s head bounced back onto the pillow. He turned over in bed, his back to Jim, who immediately spooned against him, his hand over Bones’ waist, their fingers tangled together.

“G’night, Bones”. Jim’s breath was warm against Bones’ shoulder.

“G’night, kid”. Bones squeezed Jim’s fingers, closed his eyes and, even surrounded by chaos and destruction and death, slept better than he had in five years.

He only woke once, as the night was turning into day, and Jim was still there, still wrapped around him, still warm and breathing and _there._ Bones smiled to himself and slept again.

__

Jim woke first the next day in that way of his, from dead sleep to fizzing energy in the blink of an eye. Eyes snapping open he looked around, his mind trying to recall the events of yesterday. So much had happened - he had thrown himself off a building trusting Scotty’s belief that there was a thermal that would carry him, rather than falling like a stone and splatting into the ground. He had fought a creature that had once been a man, a hero, and seen him sucked to his death in space; he had almost died the same death until saved by his First Officer and his CMO, and then he had been sent to the nearest medical centre to get patched up. And Bones had been there …

“Bones!” Jim sat up and the man next to him jerked and turned over in bed, not quite waking. “Bones”, he said again, more quietly, and he felt himself smile like an idiot. _Thanks God, I guess. Thanks for throwing a massive obstacle in my life. But really thanks for the fact that it’s a Bones-shaped obstacle._ He looked down at the man next to him, not quite asleep, not quite awake, and pulled his knees up until he could rest his chin on them.

“Bones”, he said again, more loudly. “BonesBonesBonesBonesBones…”

“Oh, fuck _off_ ”. The voice was low and gravelly and sent a shiver down Jim’s spine, even as he smiled at the reaction.

“Gotta get up, Bones. You’ve got doctoring to do, and I guess I have reports to write”. He paused. “And the comms have been off all night so there are probably search parties out for both of us”.

“Hmmph”. Bones still refused to open his eyes.

“Bones, I thought that years of being a medical meant you would be able to wake up real quick and not like some kind of sloth”.

“A _medical_?” Bones cracked one eye. “Get me a coffee, you annoying ray of sunshine”. He turned over and buried his face in the pillow. “I have a real coffee machine”.

“Oh, fancy! And I know just how to use one. I’m sure”. Jim positively bounced out of bed and out of the room. Bones, no fool, opened both eyes to enjoy the view and then closed them again as he inspected his feelings. Not a thing he was prone to as a rule, but when he thought that yesterday morning he had felt just about done for, so how was it that after a day of such horror and destruction, he felt about as toe-tinglingy happy as he had ever felt in his life? Well, he knew the answer, of course he did - it was currently swearing vehemently at a coffee machine - Bones winced at a particularly expensive sounding crash - and filling his normally quiet apartment with an energy that made Bones shiver. Oh, they had some obstacles, but maybe Jim was right. Maybe they should just enjoy this for a while. 

“Oh, _fuck_ ”. There was an ominous silence and then Jim’s tousled bed-head appeared around the door, a sheepish smile on his face. “We could maybe find a place that’s open for coffee somewhere?”

“How come you can drive a starship but you break a coffee machine?” Bones asked.

“I don’t _drive_ a starship”, Jim said with scorn. “I tell other people to drive it. And actually, this won’t be the first one I’ve broken”.

“Doesn’t surprise me”. Bones climbed off the bed and Jim watched him approach with a flare of appreciation. 

“Christ, you don’t walk”, he breathed. “You fucking _prowl_. It’s the most incredibly sexy thing I’ve ever seen”. He stopped and gazed at Bones, lips parted. Bones, with a deliberately predatory grin, ran the tips of his fingers across Jim’s chest and kept going, heading for the bathroom, grinning over his shoulder as he went.

__

They were both sobered up as soon as they stepped out of the building and were once against struck by the tragedy. Again, Jim in his survival suit attracted attention, but today he simply nodded and moved past.

“Where are you going?” Bones asked. “I have to go to the medical centre”.

“Sure you do”, Jim said. “That’s fine, I need to report to headquarters and get some volunteers together to help with the rescue”. At that point, Bones realised that Jim had become Captain Kirk. This was the man who led by example, led from the front; this wasn’t the man he had held in his arms last night.

“Okay then”, he said. “See you later?” He realised he had made it into a question, and he was foolishly happy when Jim turned, walking backwards, winking at him, letting Jim show through the captain’s shell.

“You betcha, my Bones”. And then he tripped over a brick and had to execute some kind of weird pseudo-Cossack move to stay on his feet and Bones laughed until he felt sick, which felt great, but also kind of wrong in the middle of so much destruction. Jim wrinkled his nose and turned away with a flounce and a flick of his hair. Bones could have grabbed him and done him right there in the middle of the rubble.

__

Back at the medical centre he was amazed to see that it hadn’t changed. He had changed so much that he expected everything around him to be different as well, and yet it still had the same smell, the faces were the same, the sounds were the same. And yet everything, _everything_ was different. They had done some good here yesterday, and to Bones that actually felt like a way to say goodbye. Go out on a high. Because as impulsive as it may appear, he was going, he was going to follow Jim back to Earth like some demented medieval camp follower and he was going to make a life - some kind of life - with this man. He wanted to laugh but he knew that would make him look mad and unsettle his staff and so he scowled to make them feel more comfortable. “What?” he demanded as the young nurse approached, PADD in hand. He hit the right note, he was pleased to note, as the nurse took a deep breath before speaking. They all knew perfectly well his bark was much worse than his bite, but he did have a hell of a bark.

“Er, we’ve had notification from the Federation, Doctor. For the attention of the CMO”. With that, the nurse handed over the PADD and scuttled off, relieved to have got away so easily.

Bones pressed his finger against the security lock on the PADD. There were two messages, and he clicked on the older of the two. A message from headquarters, congratulating him on the way the previous day had been handled, and warning that there would be a second wave and not lose focus. 

“Yeah, because that’s just what we were going to do”, Bones muttered. “And what about the team? Could thank them as well, fuckers”. Bones loathed authority.

He swiped the second message and immediately felt his lips twitch. It had been sent perhaps ten minutes earlier.

_Hey, my Bones. Got to headquarters and am going to have to spend most of today pulling bureautwats’ heads out of their backsides. Then I have to report to the bigwigs to tell them what happened. Man, they won’t believe me when I tell them! Did I tell you I rode a motor cycle? I really was very, very manly._

_Even after everything that happened, after all the horrendous damage and loss of life, I have never been happier. I found you again and it feels like everything has slotted into place. Do you feel like that? Tell me you feel like that. I had the best night last night, and I want to do that again tonight and every night for the next century or so. How do you feel about that?_

_We’re going to be here for a while - there’s so much mopping up and helping out to do, but then we’ll go back to Earth, and will you come with me then? That would make me so happy, and I think it would make you happy too._

_Okay, go and be a medical and I’ll go and talk to bureautwats._

_I’ll come by the med centre when I’m done here. Probably pretty late. Wait for me._

Bones closed the message and made sure that nobody else could access it. He supposed he should delete it. But he wasn’t going to. Instead, he took a deep breath and started his day. There was a lot of work ahead and he really needed to stop behaving like a teenager.

On the whole, he did pretty well. Only two cases of gazing into the middle distance grinning like a fool and one occasion when he smiled at an intern, causing them to start gibbering.

The death toll from the previous day crept depressingly upwards as the rescue parties began to dig through the rubble. At one point he caught sight of Jim, still in the survival suit, looking dusty and tired, deep in conversation with a tall Vulcan, who he guessed was the First Officer. He saw Jim nod, and slap the Vulcan on the shoulder and then turn away, so focussed on whatever was on his mind that he clearly barely registered his surroundings. He looked very different, thought Bones, very much the commander. He’d come a long way. With an inward smile he had turned and gone on with his work.

“Why are the ‘bots not doing the rescue work?” It was a whining voice and it impinged on Bones’ consciousness like a particularly annoying mosquito. “Why should we have to risk ourselves?” Bones looked around for the source of the voice and finally landed on two human women, heads together, eyes everywhere. Frankly, to Bones they looked as if they were missing the third witch, and that voice was beginning to make his teeth ache. He walked over to them and saw Whiner notice him, look up and twist her features into something that was clearly supposed to be a smile. She looked as if she had trapped wind.

“Everything okay, ladies?” he asked, and Whiner’s Friend grimaced, holding out her hand. She had a gash across the knuckles but it was shallow and no danger to her.

“Well as you can see, I’ve taken a bit of a knock”, she said. “I’ve been waiting for hours to be seen”.

“And you’ll wait a lot longer I’m afraid”, Bones answered. “Because you see, there’s nothing wrong with you. You could probably lick that better”. He kept the smile on his face. “And by the way, the ‘bots are out there doing most of the work, but sometimes, just sometimes, there are lifeforms who just want to help because it’s the right thing, and there are others who won’t help because no matter what, they will remain self-centred fools”. He doffed an imaginary hat. “Ladies”.

That made him feel better.

As the light began to fade, huge halogen lights were set up around the worst scenes of devastation and the volunteers continued to work, digging in the rubble with the bare hands, hoping for a miracle, but only finding heartbreak. Jim was there in the vanguard with his crew, his family following him as they always did, working like the well drilled team they were, shoulder to shoulder, sifting rubble, scarves around their faces to try and avoid the worst of the dust and the rising smell of decomposition.

Jim, along with everyone else, was exhausted. He had been everywhere all day, urging on his team, helping when other teams began to flag, just being there, being the legendary Jim Kirk, being a shoulder to cry on when it became too much for volunteers.

He broke when he found the child’s shoe. Just one shoe, in the rubble, sitting there pristine and undamaged, and just like that it became too much. He straightened up, the shoe held in his fist and blinked furiously until Spock, his First Officer, miraculously appeared at his shoulder. “Captain, you have been in the vanguard of the rescue mission for almost sixteen hours now, and you have not taken a break to the best of my knowledge. I would recommend you doing so now”.

Jim kept staring straight ahead, swallowing hard. 

“Captain, go, please. You cannot function properly without rest”.

“Maybe you’re right”. He carefully unclenched his hand and showed Spock the shoe. “This is a fucking tragedy”, he said. “Kids, Spock. Little kids”. He shook his head. “This is our doing”.

“You know that is a foolish statement”. It was the closest Spock came to chiding. “Captain, go and rest. If you desire I will ask Doctor M’Benga to insist”.

“No, Spock, I’m going”. He looked at the shoe again and then held it out to Spock. “Put that with the other finds. Take care of it”.

“Of course, Captain. And if I may say, take care of yourself”.

Jim looked up, startled but not surprised at Spock’s comment. The half human side of his First Officer seemed to be coming more to the fore just recently. No doubt Uhura’s influence.

His footsteps dragging, he left the immediate area, pulling the mask off his face and gratefully breathing in the recycled air. Anything was better than the dust and miasma of death that hung over the sites of the worst damage. What he wanted was a drink. A good old-fashioned Earth beer. And he wanted a good old-fashioned Earth beer in the company of a good old-fashioned Earth doctor. Even in the middle of the crushing exhaustion and the pain of that child’s shoe, Jim felt his mouth quirk. Hard to believe, but there it was. He had found Bones. He had found what he was missing, and he had never felt more - grounded. They would work it out. Of course they would.

His feet led him towards the medical centre, and he nodded at the receptionist and asked the whereabouts of Dr McCoy. Awed, the being behind the counter indicated an office and then ducked their head. Jim muttered his thanks made his way to the office. The door was ajar but not fully open, and Jim used one finger to push it a little further. Bones was sitting behind his desk, head in his hands as he studied - absolutely nothing, as far as Jim could tell.

“Hey”, he said softly. Bones took a second to react but when he did look up, the smile he gave warmed Jim down to his toes. There were very few people in the galaxy who had ever seen that smile.

“Hey yourself”. Bones said. “You wanna shut the door?”

“Why?” At that point Jim really wished he knew how to raise one eyebrow, but if he tried that he looked as if he were having a fit, so he smirked instead. “Do we need to have a high-power meeting?”

“I think we probably do”. Bones stood up and made his slow way around the desk, and once again Jim was struck by how sinuous Bones’ walk was. So much more like a prowl than a walk. He already loved it. “You look tired”. He stopped and simply opened his arms.

“I am”, Jim admitted frankly and walked straight into the embrace, resting his head on Bones’ shoulder. “You don’t look fresh as a daisy, by the way. Has it been really bad?”

“To be honest, not as bad as I thought it was going to be. How about you? You been out with your crew?”

“Yeah, they’ve been great, same as always”. He sighed and rubbed his face against the fabric of Bones’ tunic. “It’s been terrible out there. I was doing okay and then…” he tailed off. “I found a kid’s shoe. Just a shoe, no sign of anything else, and it kind of - it kind of broke my heart”.

Bones rested his lips against Jim’s hair. “Of course it did”, he said. “Everybody has one thing that will trigger them”. He stepped away and pushed back the rebellious lock of hair. “Come on, let’s get out of here”. He smiled again. “You really need to find a change of clothes. You may look sensational in that survival suit, but frankly you smell like a barnyard”.

It was just the right approach, and Jim laughed out loud then pulled out his jacket and stuck his face into the gap he had created, surfacing again with a look on his face that indicated he clearly agreed.

“Maybe a shower first”, he said. “Where?”

“You can shower here”, Bones indicated the corner of his office. “I’ll go and commandeer the nearest replicator and get you some clothes”. He lowered his head and kissed Jim. “By the way, hi”, he said, nipping Jim’s lower lip.

“Hi yourself”. Jim returned the kiss with interest. “I want a beer. I have swallowed so much dust and general crap in the past couple of days…”

“There’s a restaurant that’s still open and serving”, Bones confirmed. “I double-checked. Go pretty yourself up and then we’ll eat”.

“’Pretty myself up’?” Jim tried to look offended and ended up grinning like a fool. “Any prettier than this and I’d cause an intergalactic incident”.

“Still as modest as ever”. Bones slapped him on the backside as he went past. “Not that I’m saying you’re wrong”.

The door to the small bathroom closed on Jim’s laughter.

\--

“Doesn’t this strike you as being the slightest bit - odd?” Jim took a deep drink and sat back in his seat, gazing at Bones across the table.

“What in particular are you talking about?” Bones sat staring at Jim, his chin resting on one fist. He was only too aware that he looked like some kind of lovestruck fool, but he didn’t really care.

“This”. Jim waved the hand holding the glass and Bones winced as the liquid splashed dangerously close to the top of the glass. “Twenty four hours ago I walked into that medical centre and I saw you for the first time in what - four years? And now here we are, and it just feels - it feels like we’ve been together forever”. He waved the glass again. “Explain that one if you can. Which you can’t”.

“How do you know I can’t?”

“Because I’m a genius”. Jim took another drink. “Bones, what the living fuck are we going to do?”

“Well, I’m planning on eating what is very nearly real pasta, drinking what is very nearly real red wine, and then I plan to fuck the ever-living daylights out of you”. Bones smiled as Jim’s lower jaw hit the table. “Do you remember that first time?” Bones’ voice dropped into that growl that sent shivers down Jim’s spine. “I want that again. I want that and I want more. I just want _all_ of you”. He reached out and touched Jim’s face very gently. “I want to howl at the moon and kiss your feet and scream my damn head off”. He shook his head. “Jesus, kid, what you’ve done to me. What you have damn well done to me”.

“I can’t give up the stars, Bones, I just can’t. Not yet”. Typical Jim, Bones mused, straight to the heart of the issue. “Maybe in ten years, or twenty years I could think about it, but I can’t right now”. Bones watched his face, fascinated by the expression in his eyes. “There’s so much out there, Bones, so much to see and so much to experience. We’ve seen some amazing things”. He stopped and his eyes came back from wherever they had been looking and he smiled at Bones. “Seen some godawful things as well, and wait until I tell you just how much stuff I seem to be allergic to”. He sobered up again. “Space travel is no more exciting than getting on the overhead railway in Yorktown. It gets you from point A to point B. But then sometimes you look outside as you’re travelling and you forget how to breathe, because the beauty of what’s out there takes hold of you”.

“And is that what’s happened to you? Has it taken hold of you?”

Jim nodded. “And it’s not ready to let go, not yet”.

Bones took a deep breath. “I get it, I really do. I understand when a thing takes hold of you, but - I hate it. Space is just dangerous. And you’re protected by the slightest, most friable piece of metal”.

“Sure, but look around you, Yorktown isn’t exactly safe, if that’s how you see things”, Jim argued gently. “How do you get round that?”

“I don’t”, Bones admitted. “I came here because I was running away”.

“From what?” Jim asked, finally putting down the glass, much to Bones’ relief.

“From my marriage”, Bones said. “From the disaster of that relationship; from the pain of not seeing my daughter”. He dropped his eyes to his food. “From you”.

“What did I do?” Jim asked, ducking his head to try and capture Bones’ gaze. “We had that amazing night together, and then we never got to see each other again”.

“And that’s part of it”. Bones put both hands over his mouth. He never spoke like this, never admitted what was hiding inside him, but he wanted Jim to know, wanted to tell him, because Jim wouldn’t mock him. “That night was so damn perfect, we were heading into something great, and then we lost it. And I ran”.

Jim was silent for a moment then very carefully put his hands on the table, clenching them in front of him. He took a breath as if he wanted to speak, but then pursed his lips. Then he nodded to himself. “And I found you”, he said. “And I’m not saying we can just pick up where we left off, because that’s impossible. But I think I’d like to try for something here”. He paused again, knowing he only had one chance. “I love what I do, Bones. When you’re on a ship and travelling through uncharted space, dancing through the nebula, it’s like - it’s like nothing else. It goes beyond words and it gets into your soul and won’t let go. I like to think that one day we can do that dance together”. He risked a glance up. Bones was simply watching him, no expression in those boundless eyes. He lowered his own gaze again and picked at his thumb nail. “But then something terrible happens and people die”. He swallowed hard. “And I’m responsible for those deaths. They trusted me to take care of them, and I let them down… That haunts me and it always will”.

He sensed the movement rather than seeing it, but the next thing that happened was Bones reaching out and putting his hand over Jim’s stopping the nervous picking.

“Look at me, Jim”. Jim obeyed without thinking. Bones had leaned forward, his eyes now full of softness and empathy. “I understand how it feels when a thing takes hold, and I understand how it feels to fail, or at least to feel you have failed. I somehow doubt that you have ever failed anyone. People have died, but you didn’t let them down. You tried your hardest, and although you lost people, you also saved them. I know some of what happened to you out there with Krall, and you’ll tell me the rest when you’re ready. And if you never feel like being ready, that’s fine too”. He tightened his grip and shook Jim’s hand. “People believe in you. They love you and they follow you”. He swallowed in a mouth gone so suddenly dry that Jim heard the clicking sound and looked up, accidentally locking their gazes. “I want to try”, Bones said, his voice sticky in his throat. “I really want to try. I have a daughter. I’ll be seeing her soon, I hope. You have to know that. And that whole space thing… We have to find a way round that”.

Jim let out a huge breath and sagged slightly. “A kid”, he said. “I never knew that”. He looked up and winked. “Not exactly a deal breaker”. He sighed and rubbed his face. “I’m - hard work. And don’t look at me like that. I freak out. I want to hide in corners. I doubt myself on a day to day basis. I need someone who is strong enough to take it and not run away if I start screaming because all I can see are the faces of my crew who died because of a decision I made”.

“It’s not …” Bones sat back and folded his arms. “You’re giving me all the bad stuff, Jim. We all come with baggage. You may have more than most, but we all have it. I have a handy little suitcase full of neuroses myself”. He paused. “I’m not always Mr Sunshine, you know”.

And the patent absurdity of that comment made Jim laugh out loud, which made Bones promise himself that he would make that happen every day for the rest of his life.

“We’ll be going back to Headquarters in a couple of weeks”, said Jim. “Have you come to any decisions?”

Bones played briefly with his glass, swirling the contents around. “I think so”, he said. “I was thinking of getting out of here anyway, so that part’s pretty straightforward. I’ve been asking about jobs back on Earth”.

“They’ll be lucky to have you”, said Jim immediately.

“Thanks. So I could - stow away I guess, if you’d have me”.

“In a heartbeat”, Jim said immediately. “But we’ll be going back in an ordinary transporter. My ship has gone”. For a moment he looked so devastated that Bones wanted to reach out, but there was a wall there all of a sudden, and Bones didn’t think it would be scaleable. Not right now. So instead he carried on. “So, okay, we can all go back to Earth. And when the new _Enterprise_ is ready and you go off on another long-term mission, and … I don’t know, Jim. At that point, I just don’t know”.

“You can fly”, Jim said. “I remember you taking the test at the Academy because you got really sick the night before. So you can fly. I can’t let space go, Bones, like I said, not yet. And you can’t give up medicine. Is it selfish of me to say that I want you to fly with me? I want you to see what I mean about dancing through the nebula”. He reached out for Bones’ hand. “Man, it’s the most beautiful thing, and if you could see it, just once, you’d maybe understand why it’s got me”.

“I understand anyway”, Bones said, turning his hand palm up to link his fingers with Jim’s “You were born for space travel, that’s obvious. Me? I was born to stay on the ground, even if that ground is this monstrosity”.

“No”. Jim shook his head. “No, not going to happen. You have to come with me, Bones, even if it’s just once. I could be gone for six months, or I could be gone for six years. You telling me you’d stay at home like a good little house-husband?”

The very idea made Bones roll his eyes so hard that he actually caught a glimpse of his brain. “I’ve been called a lot, but never a house-husband. Do I look like one?”

“Not my idea of one, no”. Jim grinned evilly. “You’re my idea of a lot of things, most of them really filthy”. 

Bones leaned forward again. “Jim, we’re talking about this as if it’s going to go on for ever. We don’t know each other”.

At that point Jim went very still and quiet and when he looked at Bones there was an expression in his eyes that made Bones swallow hard. “Yes”, he said. “Yes we do”.

__

And they did know. As Jim said deep in the night as they lay tangled together, “We fit, my Bones. We just fit. I think you’re the last piece of the jigsaw”. And it was possibly the most romantic thing Bones had ever heard. It made him swallow and clamp down on a whole bunch of feelings, and it made him pull Jim closer, laughing at the squeak of surprise it caused.

“We do”, he said, and his voice was a rumble that Jim felt as well as heard. “I’ve never known anyone like you”. He moved his hand, splaying his fingers on Jim’s belly, pressing hard. “I can’t get enough of you”.

“Come with me, then”. Jim rested his hand over Bones’. “Please Bones, come with me, even if it’s just one mission. Just let me show you”.

“Dancing through the nebula?” Bones skimmed his lips over Jim’s ear, nipping gently, loving the breathy laugh it produced.

“You’re not going to let me forget that, are you?”

“Not any time soon. Not until you say something more ridiculous”.

“It’s not ridiculous”, Jim’s back suddenly arched as Bones did something with his fingers. “You wait until you experience it”.

“I don’t dance”. Bones pressed harder, and Jim caught his breath.

“I’ll teach you”.

 ** _Two_**  
Bones sat silently as the transporter made its way through space to Earth, watching as Jim interacted with his crew. They were on what was technically a public flight, but the ship’s complement was so huge that they had taken over the whole thing, and even then, they had left behind even more of their crew who would follow on. On this particular transport were the core members of what Jim called his family. Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov and Scotty. The key person obviously missing was the CMO, and Bones wondered whether that was deliberate.

“Nope”, Scotty had said when Bones had asked him as they had milled around prior to boarding. “Don’t have one now. He’s staying behind in Yorktown”. He had looked shrewdly at Bones. “You’re McCoy, aren’t you? Not been introduced yet, but I’m not an idiot. The Captain wants you on board”. Scotty had grinned then and looked like nothing so much as a sneaky gnome. “And he gets what he wants”. Later, when Jim had officially introduced him to the crew, Scotty had grinned and winked.

But Jim with his crew was quite something. Bones could see how much they admired him from the way that they seemed to almost jostle to be the one standing next to him. As he spoke to each of them individually, Jim made a point of looking directly at them, and always touched them, maybe just a pat on the shoulder, maybe resting his hand on their arm all the way through the conversation, but always a physical contact. Even the Vulcan got a hearty slap on the shoulder, although judging by his face he wasn’t impressed.

Chekov, the little Russian genius, was entranced by Jim, gazing at him as if all his birthdays had come at once, the hero-worship clear in his eyes. And Jim was so kind to him, listening intently and giving him as much time as he wanted. It was more and more clear that Jim was a good man, and had the potential to be a great captain.

They were each introduced to Bones and each of them sized him up in their own way, from Chekov and Uhura’s blatant straight up and down, to Sulu’s wary handshake and nod, to Spock’s raised eyebrow of welcome.

“You’re good”, Bones said as Jim finally sat next to him. “You are so good with the crew, and that kid in particular”.

“That kid reminds me of me”, said Jim, taking hold of Bones’ hand and beginning to idly play with his fingers. “And I don’t ever want him to feel as lonely as I did”. He kissed each of Bones’ knuckles and then grinned. “Not in uniform”, he said. “So it’s okay for me to do that”.

“You did a lot more when you were in that survival suit”. Bones smiled. “You need to wear that as much as possible, by the way; you look beyond spectacular”.

“Brings out my eyes, huh?” Jim fluttered his eyelashes and Bones leaned forward and bit his ear, making Jim laugh loudly. His crew deliberately looked the other way.

“You glad to be leaving?” Jim asked after a moment.

“Yeah”, Bones said immediately. It had been decided that it was too dangerous for his daughter to visit, and whilst he understood and even agreed, it had broken Bones’ heart clean in two. But now the visit had been rearranged to San Francisco in a few weeks. She was coming to Starfleet to watch as the new _Enterprise_ was built and to see the quarters where daddy was going to live, and to meet Jim. Because Bones couldn’t keep the two most precious things in his life apart, and they had a year together at least before Jim was taken away from him. 

“They’re a good bunch”, Bones said, nodding at the crew.

“They’re the best”, Jim said seriously. “I’d die for them”. He laughed, as if at a private joke. “But we don’t have a CMO”.

“Why would that be?”

“Not death and awfulness, because that’s clearly what you’re thinking”. Jim looked offended. “He fell in love and decided to stay in Yorktown with them. Still in Starfleet, just doesn’t want to be away from them”. He shot a sideways glance at Bones. “It’s always about the emotions, isn’t it?”

“Ain’t it just?” Bones put his arm around Jim, who slithered over until they were pressed together, and Jim smiled. “Not in uniform, so it’s okay”. 

__

It was good to be back on Earth. Bones felt grounded - _ha_ in a way he never had on Yorktown. The medical centre was, perhaps, not as state of the art, but it wasn’t on a fragile snow globe. Jim casually asked one day if Bones had ever considered how fragile Earth was when you looked at it, but Bones had thrown a file at him and since Jim hadn’t been looking, it had hit him above his left ear, slicing his scalp and causing copious amounts of bleeding, and by the time Bones had stopped feeling guilty and Jim had stopped laughing incredulously, they had both forgotten what had been said.

With no discussion at all, they moved into shared quarters. Perhaps if anyone had asked, Jim would have said there was no point in him having anything permanent, and Bones would have said the same; but neither of them thought about it. They simply did. They had been there a week before everything was sorted out, as Bones kept putting things down and Jim kept putting them away and then Bones couldn’t find them and they got into a never-ending cycle of moving the same thing. Finally, after Bones threatened to tie Jim up and Jim held out his wrists and raised his eyebrows, they finally got everything sorted, and on that evening when things were finally organised they both collapsed onto the couch, Bones’ arm around Jim’s shoulder, Jim snugged close against his side in what had become their new comfortable position and they looked around before meeting each other’s eyes and grinning.

“Home, sweet home”, Jim said. “Crikey, never had a home before”.

“Well, you have now”. Bones glanced sideways at him. “Now who’s becoming the house-husband?”

“I could do that”, Jim said blandly. “In about forty years”.

They sat quietly for a moment and Bones could feel himself properly relaxing for the first time since the Yorktown disaster and the day that Jim walked back into his life. “This feels right”, he said suddenly. “Don’t you think?”

“Mmm”. Jim rested his head against Bones’ shoulder. “So right”.

“Okay”. Bones kissed the top of Jim’s head. “Okay, listen”.

“Listening”. Jim’s eyes were open in the dimness of the room and he was forcing himself to sound relaxed. He could hear something in Bones’ voice and he wasn’t sure what.

“Been thinking”. Bones kissed the top of Jim’s head again. “Maybe I should go through the pilot’s training again”.

For just a second, Jim stopped breathing. Then he closed his eyes.

“And why would you do that?” he asked at last.

“Well, it’s always a good idea to keep your hand in”.

Jim struggled into a sitting position, pulling away from Bones’ arms and turning to face him.

“Stop being an asshole”, he said. “Talk to me. What are you doing?”

Bones, startled at the sudden show of annoyance, held up a placating hand. “Hey, all right, deep breath”, he said. “I just think I should keep up to date with things, you know”.

“It means you can travel in space”, Jim said, calming down. “My Bones, talk to me”.

“It’s in case. In case we can’t think of anything else when it’s time for you to go”. Bones threw his hands in the air in an over-the-top shrug. “You’re never going to give it up, are you? You’re not going to be the one to compromise, so it has to be me”.

“Hey, if you see it like that - do you think I’m forcing you into something?” Jim, beginning to get properly annoyed, pushed himself to his feet.

“No, I don’t see it like that”. Bones felt his own hackles rising and made a conscious effort to calm down. It wouldn’t help if they both got mad because that really would be unstoppable force and immovable object. “I don’t want to go into space, you know that, but dammit Jim, if that’s the only way I can keep you then I’ll fucking do it!”

“Big of you!” Jim’s voice rose. “Way to make me feel guilty, Bones, thanks”.

“What?” Bones shook his head. “Just - what? You keep saying you want me with you…”

“Not if it’s that big of a deal!” Jim took a deep breath and put his hands over his face. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t mean anything I’m saying”.

“Stop hiding, Jim”. Bones stood up as well and pulled Jim’s hands down. “What have I done wrong?”

For just a second, Jim looked like the kid from the Academy, all big eyes and confusion, and then he stepped into Bones’ arms. “Christ, I’m sorry”, he said again. “I fucked up, big time”.

“No”. Bones frowned over Jim’s head, at a total loss. “You’re just a big ol’ bundle of contradictions aren’t you? Have I been reading signals wrong all along?”

“No”. Jim shook his head, rubbing his forehead against Bones’ shoulder. “It’s just …” He took a breath. “I just never - I never wanted anything so fucking much as this”. He took a huge breath. “And I don’t know how to accept the sacrifice”. He stepped back. “I fight against it because I don’t know how to respond any other way”.

“Oh, Jim… I just want you to accept it for what it is. Not just doing it for you, you know”. Bones gave a half smile. “Doing it for me as well. And, fuck me Jim, I’m only getting my pilot’s licence. Christ knows what you’re going to be like if I come into space”.

“Hysterical, possibly”. Jim looked down and rubbed his hands over his face again. “I’m such a dick, Bones, I’m sorry”. He looked over his hands, his eyes abashed. “I’m so shit at this”.

“You really are”, Bones agreed readily. “I’ve accepted it; so should you”. He paused. “Ask me what I’ve accepted”.

“That I’m a dick?”

“Oh, that’s not news. No, go on, ask me”.

“Okay, go on, what have you accepted?”

Bones nodded slightly and stepped forward, pulling Jim’s hands down and taking hold of them. “That I pretty much live for you. You’re a difficult bastard, but I admire you so damn much, for what you do and what you’ve achieved. And more than that”. He shrugged. “I fucking love you”. He closed his eyes for what felt like a long time. “There, it’s out. I fucking love you, even after such a short time. I think I loved you from that first night”. He shrugged again. “Do what you want. Laugh at me, tell me I’m an idiot. Or tell me you love me”. He moved his thumbs over the back of Jim’s hands. “I’ve never felt like this, and that’s it”. He looked up. “I can’t be without you. And if this is what I have to do, then this is what I have to do. I can’t spend half my life waiting for you to come back, not when I can be there with you”.

Jim gazed at their hands. “But you hate space”, he said feebly.

“But I love you. It’s up to you to distract me”.

“You’d do it for me?”

“I am doing it for you”. Bones squeezed Jim’s hands. “Look at me”.

Jim looked up, eyelashes fluttering as he clearly fought the urge to look away. “You think you’re not good enough, is that it? Why the fuck would you think that?”

Jim shook his head. “I’ve lost so many people”, he said quietly. “I see every one of them, you know? And I sometimes wonder…”

“Oh no” Bones gathered Jim to him. “You don’t do that; you don’t think about them. You think about the ones you saved. I’ve lost people in the past, and it hurts like a bastard, but I’ve also pulled people back from the brink, and that always feels so good. You just think about that. Those people wouldn’t follow you if they didn’t trust you”.

“Means more coming from you”, Jim said. “Means more for you to trust me. You’re scared but you’ll come with me”. He looked at Bones then, really looked at him, and Bones felt his skin being flayed. This kid could see right into his soul, no question. 

“I’ll come with you”, Bones agreed “Just don’t let me die”.

Jim smiled slightly. “Wasn’t planning on it”.

“Good. And accept that I’m doing this for my own selfish reasons, and that I trust you”.

Jim looked down and smiled again, more widely, more genuinely. “Does this mean you’ll dance through the nebula?”

Bones laughed in relief and reached out, pulling Jim into a dance hold. “We’d better start rehearsing”.

 ** _Epilogue - One Year Later_**  
The _Enterprise_ , newly repaired and packed full of state of the art technology, hit warp without even breaking a sweat and began her long trip through the black. Bones had to grudgingly admit that she was quite some ship, and to be fair, he was drooling so much over his new med bay that he barely noticed. It was only later, when he went to stand at his captain’s shoulder that he registered what was happened, and by then it was too late to turn back. The year of hypnotherapy had helped a bit of course, but what really grounded him was Jim. Watching Jim on the bridge made him proud, amazed and humble all at the same time. That random, mad kid had grown into this man, a man who commanded the respect and affection of his crew, who knew everyone’s name and never seemed to flap. And who just occasionally checked over his shoulder. Just to be sure.

On their first night out, Jim was already in their cabin when Bones entered, and he looked up with a smile.

“Hey”.

“Hey”. Bones walked over and put his arm around Jim’s shoulders. “You’re pretty fucking amazing”.

“And you”. Jim smiled. “You’re part of an incredible team now, my Bones. We only take the best”. He gestured towards the the view screen he had been watching. “See that? That’s what we’re going through now”. He squeezed Bones’ waist to calm him. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Dark and dangerous”, Bones grumped automatically, but his eyes strayed to the sight outside. He grumped again, just for good measure and then gathered Jim to him and kissed the smiling mouth. “That door locked?” he murmured and grunted when Jim nodded.

Unnoticed now, the _Enterprise_ danced through the nebula 

The End


End file.
